The Particular Choices of the Heart
by brookeisabaddie
Summary: AU: "The way I see it-you have two choices. The sky or the ground, Clarke. You either go back home or you stay here to die but you got to make your choice now." She thought of the sky and his warm embrace-thought of the ground and his single kiss...and suddenly, she wasn't so sure what she wanted. She only knew that she had 15 minutes to make the biggest decision of her life.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Her hot breath fogged up the mirror by his bed as she attempted to maintain some type of sanity—she was obviously failing. The alarm on his nightstand read 11:24 AM but there was no _fucking _way it was almost noon on a Friday because she'd set the alarm for 6:25 that morning so they wouldn't be late to their last day of regular classes before exams. She exhaled, turning to him before exhaling once more. She opened her mouth, not holding back her volume at all. "Nathan." Clarke said calmly, "Why the _fuck _are you still sleeping?"

He opened one eye, sighing heavily before turning over in his bed. "Clarke…can we…not?" He yawned, putting the pillow over his head. She loved the way he was stretched out and coated with peaceful sleep like a caramel candy—or maybe caramel candy came to mind because of his skin. The beautiful brown color contrasted deeply with her pale, white skin. She deemed herself Casper the extra-friendly ghost whenever they were in bed, much to his amusement. Although, she was never _too friendly. _She was quite chaste when it came to the adult type of intimacy. "Please…_shhhhhhhhhh_."

This was what it was like to date Nathan Miller.

And she loved every unbearable second of it.

They had the typical love-story that made old women smile. They'd been best friends since diapers—maybe even before birth. They grew up together on the same military base with all of their _true _friends. Her father was an engineer, her mother was a surgeon and a general practitioner—his father was a high-ranking officer—translation? Their parents worked on top-secret projects together. The only time they'd ever spent apart was the time his father got stationed somewhere else for a year…when he came back, she knew she had to make him _hers_.

She'd spent her whole life with a diamond right under her nose and never noticed it until he came barreling back into her life at a velocity so agile that he put shooting stars to shame. She _saw _him, sparkling and sweet—never knowing that she had him wrapped around her finger like a ring. As much as she was attracted to Nathan—who preferred Miller because of his military father and friends—she didn't fall in love with him instantly. Her love blossomed like a purple tulip, her favorite flower, and it took time to grow.

There were god-awful fights, strings of unnecessary words exchanged, missed calls, small-betrayals, and lots of makeups and apologies between the pair before they were the steady couple they were today. It wasn't all negative—falling in love. There were lasting moments of happiness and bliss and it probably would have been a lot smoother if her parents weren't in the middle of a hateful divorce.

But things changed rapidly once the divorce was final and Clarke decided to live with her father. Her life changed so fast that she got motion-sickness every time she talked about it. It all started with a classified folder and a new station assignment—the Ark.

The Ark was in every single newspaper around the world—next to the articles that spoke of war threats. Their native country was confident that they would "never be hit because the enemy is too scared"—she didn't know if that was a good tactic or not. Every night Miller and Clarke cuddled up on the couch or sat in the incomplete library and watched the news so they wouldn't lose track of what was going on "down there." Their President would claim they had no reason to worry yet, he sent their families up to the Ark to finish it and test to see how livable it was. Clarke came pretty close to calling the man a fraud four nights ago but she'd been surrounded by high-ranking officials and her boyfriend (who respected the United States of America with everything he had.)

The Ark was superiorly gorgeous and was supposed to be able to run efficiently detached from the mainland. It currently had bi-weekly visits from carriers from Earth and also had bi-weekly departures from the Ark. So, living in space was lavish and cool…kind of adventurous—most certainly not the worst thing she'd ever done. Her mother begged her not to go, literally begged, but Clarke w_anted _adventure. She wanted to tell her grandchildren that she was one of the first to live in space successfully. She wanted her name underneath the class picture as the first teens to graduate on the Ark.

But she also wanted a sense of family, one her mother could never provide. She worked too much, she never had time for a cable sit-com or a dinner date. Her father did, though. He spent a lot of time making sure Clarke did well in school, had discipline but also had fun—he made sure she lived a satisfied life. He tried to spend a lot of time with her when he could but he was also busy like her mother. It was one of the reasons they divorced in the first place.

Her feet touched the metal flooring of the Ark carefully. She was preparing herself for when she actually had neighbors below her.

"I am in so much trouble." Clarke groaned as Miller eased up, his lips pressing against her neck as she slid on her boots. "My dad is going to kill me for staying the night here again." She turned around and smiled at him. He returned her smile before he brought her face to his, they soon parted their lips, deepening their embrace. His strong but lean arms pulled her on top of him, her breath catching her throat. He swept back her golden hair, tucking it behind her ear. His hand continued to trail down from her ear to the back of her neck to her spine. She moaned when his hand started to slide under _his s_hirt that she was wearing, "Okay as fun as this is—"She broke their kiss with a sloppy sound, "We have to stop."

He groaned, "We always have to stop."

"Maybe one day we won't."

"I think you say things like that to give me false hope, dove." He kissed her neck again but this time as a parting. "What class should we be in right now?"

"You mean with the other twenty-five of us ruthless teenagers?" Clarke joked about the ruthless part. They were all military brats, kids of politicians, offspring of the wealthy, and the lucky children of the workers. No one younger than sixteen because they had to sign a consent form to board the Ark…government pish-posh if you asked the right person. "Mmm…" She said when she watched him put on his shirt, "Do you hear that? Something's telling you that the whole system will crash and burn if you put on a shirt."

"Tempting…" He cracked a smirk, "You know you're avoiding one of the two elephants in the room, right?" _I know…_She thought, knowing exactly what he was referring too. She attempted to throw him off.

"The fact that we haven't had sex or the fact that I'm going to the ground in two weeks."

"The latter." Miller sighed, "We read the news together every single day—thank god for WiFi and darling, it's just not pretty down there." His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to keep a brave face. She knew that he _worried _about her. She knew that he didn't want her to go but he wasn't using all of his power to stop her because he knew that she wanted to go. She knew that he would let her make her own choices in the end.

"It's only threats." Clarke said as if nuclear war was a nonchalant subject, "And it's only a week and a half with my mother. I'm going to hang out with Jasper and Monty—we've been Skyping almost three times a week. Do you want to break their hearts? I don't think so. I miss Lincoln, too. I really miss Lincoln…mmm."

He laughed, "Should I be concerned about your obsession with his body or…?" Miller was aware of Clarke's "thing" for Lincoln's magnificent features but he never really _worried _about infidelity_. _Clarke loved him—he loved Clarke. Their bond couldn't be tainted by anyone—not even Mr. Perfect himself.

"He apparently has a girlfriend. Plus, Lincoln's like that hot cousin you have that you know you can't—"She blushed before she shot him a suggestive wink. "I think I'm going to stay the night again tonight. My dad won't be home until morning and…yeah…your dad probably won't be home either."

He nodded, "Okay…well…let me know how your talk with him goes." She wanted to punch him in the face. David Miller freely let Clarke in and out of their apartment like it was no big deal but Jake Griffin liked to keep tabs on her boyfriend whenever she was over. He came up with lame excuses and did the whole cliché dad thing. She secretly loved it…but she also loved Miller….and she was about to leave in two weeks (this being the first time they'd been apart for a year) and she wanted to give him something s_pecial. _

That something special being her virginity.

"I will." She frowned, "If I have to hear another sex talk…you're going to be on the video chat with us." She threatened, "So next time I set the alarm to go home, don't snooze it."

It wasn't the first time she thought about having sex with him. They were seventeen—of course they thought about sex and they had the "talk" that every sane couple needed to have in their relationship. In fact, they constantly updated the "talk" based on the state of their relationship. An example being, Clarke was about to turn 18 and she was probably the only virgin on the Ark and that made her feel pressured into having sex until Miller said there was no need in feeling pressured—they had a lifetime to have sex. It was something in his voice that told her he really meant what he was saying…and that's when she decided that when it came to her virginity…she wanted to give it to someone she would love for the rest of her life. She wanted to give it to the person she was going to be with for the rest of her life.

And that was Nathan Miller.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

"Trouble in paradise?" Clarke's frenemy since Pre-K asked as she sat across from her. Haley was the prettiest girl Clarke had ever seen—or maybe she was the wealthiest girl Clarke had ever seen. It was difficult to make eye-contact with her unless one was as headstrong as Clarke. That's why they were friends. They were enemies because Haley used to date Miller…okay, date was a loose word. They didn't date—they hooked up, once. Clarke wanted to pretend she was okay with that, but sometimes she was catty.

"No." Clarke said, "Never been better."

"You totally have sex hair, B.T.W." Haley shoved a piece of lettuce in her mouth. Clarke's nose scrunched up at the sight. If Haley knew the amount of chemicals on that one piece of lettuce only to preserve it, she would rethink her lunch decisions. Haley always ate a salad when Clarke was around, almost as if she were attempting to hurt Clarke's feelings. Unfortunately for the snob bitch, Clarke knew Miller liked the fact that she had boobs unlike Haley. Clarke also liked the fact that she had breasts—Miller's opinion excluded from the satisfaction she got from having an attractive, fit body without people wondering how many times she threw up her food a day.

She rolled her eyes, "I do not have sex hair because I don't have sex." It was probably the 90th time she'd informed Haley of this and each time she got annoyed with the spark the ignited in her green eyes at the sound. Did she think she had something on Clarke? Probably. But Clarke highly qualified a one night stand as having _anything. _"But that's going to change soon." Clarke's words were the water Haley's flame detested.

"Oh." Haley said, shoving another piece of the chemically altered lettuce in her mouth. "Wow…when?"

"I haven't decided." Clarke admitted, opting for her instant mash potatoes—still processed but a lot healthier than Haley's choice. "Are you ready for exam week?"

"Exam week, blahh." Haley said while making a gag noise, "School will be the death of me. I'm super excited for the New Year's dance though. Too bad you won't be here."

Clarke shrugged, "I'm going to be with my best friends in the entire world besides Miller and if that's not celebrating the New Year's properly—I don't know what is. I'm excited to touch the ground, grab a caramel Frappuccino and hit the clubs with Monty, Jasper, and Lincoln." Clarke sighed, "And Lincoln's new girlfriend although her name has escaped my mind…starts with an O…it's beautiful and sort of timed…"

"Probably not that important." Haley rolled her eyes, "You and Miller won't be able to enjoy your New Year's kiss."

"One kiss doesn't really matter in the scheme of things." Clarke snorted, "It's not a big deal."

"You're also missing Christmas." Haley continued, "Your boyfriend is probably upset about these things…"

Who was she to tell her how Miller felt about her leaving?

"Well, Miller can get over it. I'm leaving." Clarke said, "I'm not one of those brain-dead types that surrenders my personal freedom all because my boyfriend isn't satisfied with my decisions."

"Not _satisfied_ at all, probably." Her snide comment was probably meant to be lower than it actually was. Clarke looked at her through narrowed eyes before she heard someone sitting next to her. "Hey mister." Haley smiled, "Glad to see you could join us."

"Yeah." Miller looked over at Clarke and rolled his eyes. He didn't like Haley either but the Ark social scale would have left them with Haley or the kids that thought they were smarter than everyone else…or the guys who were _dogs… _or the sluts at table 11. They didn't fit in with these people no matter where they turned and Clarke knew Haley from the ground.

"Clarke was just informing me how she can't wait to be on the ground. Isn't that right?" Haley was constantly trying to start shit. Miller was normally a chilled out person, he didn't start fights—he finished them. He was smart…not many people knew how smart he was and he was reserved unless he was alone with Clarke. He had the ability of keeping a cool and collected persona in front of anyone.

Clarke nodded, "I was telling her how I miss real food."

"You should go with her." Haley said, knowing damn well what the answer would be.

She frowned and then faked a smile, "Yeah maybe next time."

"Next time?" Miller asked, "What do you mean next time? Isn't your mother going to join us when the Ark is complete? There probably won't be a next time."

"I have more than one reason to visit the ground." Clarke said, "I have _friends. _I'm not just going to cut them off because I live in a space station."

"I just assumed that the only reason you were really going to the ground was your mom. If she's up here, there's no point. Where would you stay?" She didn't want to argue about Earth anymore. She was sick of arguing about Earth. She missed real air and she missed climate change, dammit! She missed having inspiration for her drawings other than perfectly constructed metal walls. She missed being able to run five miles on a trail and she missed having long, hot baths. She missed strangers—how she could walk into a room and there would be people that didn't know her. She missed animals and she missed restaurants.

She loved her home…she loved most of the people on the Ark. If she were on the ground, she'd probably miss the Ark the way she missed Earth but it wasn't _fair _that Miller didn't understand it. "With a friend, most likely."

"It's not safe."

"Nothing's safe." Clarke threw back, "Can we not talk about this anymore? I haven't even planned a next trip, it's not even final. It was just a thought."

"Sure." Miller said, his face turning away from hers. Clarke reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. Not many people used cell phones on the Ark—she did. That being said, a lot of people on the Ark saw it as a one-way ticket to a new life. Clarke hadn't let go of her old life just yet. She only texted off the WiFi seeing as service wasn't exactly superb in space.

_**Clarke: **_**Can't wait to be home.**

_**Monty: **_**Everyone misses you,**

_**Clarke: **_**I miss everyone.**

_**Monty: **_**You barey text. What's wrong?**

_**Monty**_**: Barely****

_**Clarke: **_**He doesn't want me to go on the ground, M. How do I make him understand?**

_**Monty: **_**"She asks the only single person she knows."**

_**Clarke: **_**Jasper's single, too.**

_**Monty: **_**Not anymore. He started dating this girl named Harper. She's pretty cool. **

_**Clarke: **_**I miss everything! I swear!**

_**Monty: **_**Not the important things. As much as I love you, I have to go before I get fired. See you soon!**

_**Clarke: **_**I love you too! Kiss Jasper on the mouth passionately for me.**

_**Monty: **_**You're a freak.**

She sighed as she realized she made it through lunch without another word directed towards her boyfriend. She was angry—not so much that he didn't want her to go to the ground, but because he tried to fight her on it in front of Haley, who wanted nothing more than to see them crash and burn. She loved him…god, she loved him…but she needed him to understand it. She didn't need him to approve it, she needed him to _get _it.

She hurried back to class on catching Haley's underhanded comment towards Miller by the grace of god. "I would never leave you here alone, you know that?" Clarke didn't even try to turn around or address Haley. She had faith that Miller would brush her off and it wouldn't amount to anything. It didn't make Clarke a bad girlfriend because she wanted to go to Earth…she was independent enough to know that her decisions were her decisions and no one controlled them.

Still, she didn't want independence to hurt her in the end—she didn't want it to hurt Miller.

They sat on opposite sides of the room because their teacher knew of their relationship. Clarke and he would usually be engaged in an intense, love-bird stare. She wasn't in the mood. She felt his eyes on her body, though. She felt his apology and she felt his _need _for her to _understand him. _She wanted to…she did. She understood where he was coming from—he could analyze danger from miles away and he could evaluate situations like his father. He'd been trained to do it—conditioned and the fact that he didn't want her to risk her life for joy made sense. Logical sense. On an emotional level, though…he needed help.

The teacher outlined their review guides and Clarke tossed herself in the education of it all. She knew by the end of the class that she was going to ace the exam. Biology was easy, anatomy was even more simplistic. The entire science class was enjoyable for the most part. The humor of it all was when everyone groaned at something they learned four months ago. That made her smile because she remembered _it. _She remembered everything she'd ever learned.

Class was over and her school day was finished and she had nowhere to go except home…she could go home. She blended with the crowd as they dispersed from the room until she reached her door. Her father would be behind that door—she'd rather deal with him than continue arguing with Nathan. She decided she was going to call him Nathan for the rest of the day.

She grabbed the handle, opening it to find her father eating dry cereal from the box before work. "Look who decided to come home…" His voice wasn't stern, there was more humor in it than anything. She knew all too well that it was his favorite strategy before he started in on the lecture. "Look, kid, you're turning eighteen. I can't tell you what to do for the rest of your life. I understand that you're in love but I'd rather not know when it comes to _if _you're having sex."

"We aren't having sex, dad." Clarke said, "This is awkward. I thought we agreed last time we had this talk that we weren't going to make it awkward."

"You're the one that stayed the night with young stud, I'm just making sure I cover the basics. I'm not your mother…I know that girls typically talk to their mother about these things but if you're having sex, Clarke…it's not something that I'm going to love you less for." He followed up with, "I might kick Nathan's ass but I'm not going to love you less for it."

She felt a hot blush on her cheeks, "It's something I've been considering."

"I thought I was tough. I regret that. I don't want to talk about this anymore. If you're having sex, I don't want to know. Not really." Her dad cracked an uneasy smile, "Don't be careless. Be safe about it."

She sighs, "I won't."

"I have to go to work." He said, "Don't eat my Lucky Charms, kid."

She giggled, "You need to add protein to your diet rather than marshmallows…we both know you're not eating the cereal part. Try to eat dried fruit chips…"

"Sometimes I feel like the child."

"Young adult." Clarke coughed as a correction, "I'm making sure you're going to survive without me."

He frowned, "I'll be fine. I want you to enjoy your time with your mother but I want you to be safe. And I think that's what Miller wants, too…you don't get mad at me when I tell you I don't want you to go like you get mad at him."

"You're my dad." Clarke said, "He's my boyfriend…there's a difference."

Jake Griffin laughed, "We both love you—not equally but we love you. You need to be reasonable about it, Clarke."

"Are you seriously taking his side? Weren't you just threatening him if we were having sex?"

"I'm unbiased sometimes." He shrugged, "Maybe the fact that he argues with you on situations with possible danger makes me like him more. At least I know he cares about you."

Her father soon left their apartment and she was alone with her anticipation for her trip. She grabbed her tablet and turned it on. "Skype m_green_320…" She ordered the virtual personal assistant that complied immediately. She listened to the connecting dial, waiting for Monty to answer. She was greeted with his smile, "Hola." Clarke laughed, "What's up?"

"You, I suppose." Monty laughed, making the same joke he always made about her being in the sky. "I'm trying to finish these guides, I guess. They're sort of boring."

"I know what you mean. I'm sick of school…hey, what's Lincoln's girlfriend's name again? I don't want to be the asshole that forgets."

"Octavia." Monty said, "She's…well…" Monty laughs a little, "I think if you two became friends, you could run the base."

"Could we now?" Clarke laughed, "How so?"

"Smart, resourceful…likes to have a little dangerous fun…seeks adventure. Both of you are beautiful. I foresee a long lasting friendship in the future." Monty told her, "So…you over it yet?"

"Starting to be." Clarke said, "My dad's on his side."

"I get it."

"Unfortunately, I do too. I—Haley got involved."

Monty nodded, "Oh."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "Yeah. I really don't like her."

"I don't understand why you even hang out with her."

"Because her dad supports this project. Miller and she have a history… I don't know. I just do." Clarke sighed, "I, now, can't wait until I meet Octavia. I want a good friend."

"You might hate each other at first." Monty warned, "You two have conflicting attitude problems. I'm going to let you go make up with him. God knows that's what you really want to do. I'll see you face to face soon."

She smiled, "You're the best."

He pretended to flip his hair like a girl, "I know."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Clarke was holding her breath again while she walked through the bleak hallways of the Ark. She knew that David Miller was gone by now. She carried her binder and her overnight bag because she wasn't going to wear the same thing again. She didn't know where the night was going to take her—she knew what she wanted and she knew that she was scared of what she wanted. Her hand hesitated over the door before she knocked.

The cold metal greeted her knuckles and caused her nerves to roll. "It's me." She called when he didn't answer after her first knock. After a few seconds, he was standing before her. "Hey…" Clarke greeted him with a soft smile. He nodded, returning to immediately. "I don't want to fight."

"I don't want to fight either." He said, "I want to make up…"

She nodded, letting his hand rest on the side of her neck. His fingers played with the small strands of blonde hair at her neck. Their eyes met and she nodded. It was a simple nod—one that he understood. Their lips connected like a compromise—no more fighting about it. Her lips parted and his wet tongue, probably packed with unsaid warnings and apologies, entered her mouth. She was above pretending every kiss they shared was perfect. Sometimes, there wasn't a direct understanding of who was in charge. Sometimes their kisses were extremely sloppy and everything melted in a hot blur. Her head fell back and his fingertips pressed into her scalp maybe a little too hard.

He shut the door of his apartment, breaking the kiss as she headed towards his bedroom. He followed her closely. She felt like her heart was going to break through her ribs. She sighed, not exactly sure what was going to happen next. Was she going to have sex with him? Was she prepared to have sex with him? Was he prepared to have sex with her? Were they going to keep the light on? Off? How bad was this going to hurt—because she knew it was going to hurt…

Nathan Miller stood in the doorway, his body resting against the siding. She looked at him, exhaling. "Don't be a cliché and say I don't have to do this." She said, "I want to. I wouldn't…if I didn't want to." He nodded, still hesitating at the doorway. Her hand started to twitch because her nerves were rising. He didn't want to do this…did he? She'd just embarrassed herself, right? The blush on her face started to deepen before he crossed the room and kissed her so hard that she fell back on his bed.

"Sorry." He laughed, looking into her eyes. She felt a pull towards him…something natural. His lips met hers and his hand brought up her shirt. She didn't prevent him from removing the fabric. On her back, her breast moved up, exposing more of her cleavage. He placed a small kiss on her collarbone—her breathing was strange—a mixture of fear and arousal. She surrendered underneath him…she knew that her sexual knowledge was lacking and as the person with sexual experience—this was his _thing. _"Just because you said yes once doesn't mean you can't say no…you know that, right?"

"Of course."

Her shaky, clammy hands helped him remove his shirt—something she'd watched him do a thousand times by himself. Her eyes fell to his chest, the faintest trace of abs greeting her. She smiled at his natural muscle—knowing he barely worked out. They didn't know if they were kissing because it seemed right or if they didn't want to talk to each other. Either way, their lips were moving together and his hand moved from her side to her back where he unclasped her bra. She cleared her throat as her eyebrows pushed together—their kiss breaking at the action. "You-"

"Don't ask that question. I'm fine." She promised, bringing his face to hers again. Her arm wrapped around his neck bringing his body closer to hers. She felt his sexual arousal against her thigh. She didn't know what to do…but she felt her own libido heighten. The kindling spark in her stomach increased when she reached down between the two and unbuttoned his pants. His breathing hampered at her quick action. He leaned up, his arm flexing near her head as he made eye-contact. He was asking the question even though she didn't want to hear it. Nathan Miller was that type of guy. She only nodded in response as he climbed off of her, removing his pants from his legs. She listened to the sound of his clothing being tossed from the bed. "Um…"

Even if the entire sex thing was awkward and they weren't exactly perfectly in sync—he could always read her mind. "Uh, yeah." His arm reached over her body, his hand digging in the nightstand. The red foil of a condom package met her eyes in between two of his fingers. She lost her ability to speak for a second as she unbuttoned her own pants. She pulled off the remainder of clothing on her body including her underwear. "You know you're beautiful, right?"

She nervously smiled, "Thank you." She adverted her eyes as he slid on the condom. Her face was bright red and she wasn't feeling very confident. She watched her own bare chest rise and fall, her creamy skin continued to change color as time passed. He looked over at her and she tried to think of something witty to say but _Go ahead… s_eemed like the wrong choice of words. She blinked, her eyes fluttering as her hand moved closer to her own shoulder. She let out a timid breath as he moved over her. She felt like she was going to throw up because of her stress but when his mouth met hers a bizarre calmness washed over her.

She wanted this.

Her hand balled his sheets as she prepared herself for the _pain. _And then she felt it—her mind flew into medical terminology and what was happening physically. She knew the basics of sex…she'd taken the class because it was a requirement. She didn't want to make eye contact but she found herself doing it anyway. His eyes were closed and he looked so beautiful. She wondered if this was pleasurable for him because it didn't feel so great to her. She wanted to say there was no pain and that everything was absolutely perfect but this was her _first time _and this wasn't a fucking romance novel. She wanted to know how bad she was bleeding—what if that totally grossed him out? Her hand reached up, touching his cheek. He moved his face into her touch, kissing her palm as he started to thrust.

Emotionally, this was a memory she would cherish for the rest of her life. "I love you." He panted as he moved in her.

"I love you, too." She said, her hand gripping his shoulder tightly. It was her way of inserting control. He didn't seem to mind. She wasn't sure if they should kiss or if she should move with him…she hoped it would become second-nature one day. She wanted to know what to do—like most things, she wanted to be a master. She was aware of the pillow underneath her head suddenly…it was an odd thing to notice when there was heat in her stomach, threatening to push up and suffocate her. They were soft like Miller's skin. Her hand fell down his back which caused him to kiss her softly and then his kiss wasn't so soft.

It was fiery like they got when they were caught up in their most passionate moments. It was the type of kiss that she loved—the type that distracted her mind for hours afterwards. She moaned into the kiss and felt his hot breath against the corner of her mouth when he broke the kiss. "Baby…" He groaned when she pulled him back to her mouth. He smiled into their kiss.

The discomfort lingered long after he finished. He rolled off of her, his breathing was ragged and he was smiling over at her. Clarke pulled the blanket to her as he said, "I have to take a shower. Is that okay?"

"Yeah." She nodded, "Yeah…go take a shower. I, um, yeah. I have to clean up anyway."

_This is more awkward than the sex talk_.

She watched his naked body disappear into the bathroom. She knew he would try to hurry in the shower so she rushed, almost falling once or twice, while she accessed the damage. There were spots of blood on his sheets, which she tore off and moved towards the hamper. Once they were off the bed, she went into the living room and got her overnight bag that he must have brought into the apartment before she shut the door. She hadn't even thought about it until then. She walked back into her room, cleaning herself quickly—momentarily disgusted with the sight of the light colored blood. She slipped on her pajamas which consisted of a pair of elastic black shorts and their old high school's t-shirt. Finally, she replaced the sheets on his bed with similar ones wondering if he would even notice. She made the bed, finding the red foil discarded on the floor. She tossed it in the trashcan by his bed.

She brought her bag towards the bed and pulled out her favorite lotion. It was lessening by the day—she had to put it on the list for when she went home. _Home… _the word hit her like bricks. Earth was her home and this was…what? This was just a place she'd been for a year? She had to let Earth go eventually…she couldn't hold onto it forever. This was her life now. Her parents were going to be on the station and she would be required to stay there for the remainder of her life eventually. She wasn't a fool, nuclear war was going to happen eventually. Everyone knew it. They were just living their lives until the fateful day came.

The sound of the door opening made her head pop up, he smiled at her. She returned his smile. "You cleaned my room?" She noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt—actually that was the first thing she noticed before she saw his smile. The next thing she noticed was the black cotton briefs he wore—the only thing he wore.

She shrugged, "Maybe."

"Hmmm…" His weight caused the bed to move beneath her. She felt like she wasn't saying the right thing. She felt like there was nothing right to say about what they just did. Did they talk about it? "What are you thinking about?"

"You know…" She said, the blush returning—or had it ever left? "Why do people have sex for fun?"

"Hey, you really know how to make a guy feel confident." Miller said with a chuckle, "It's supposed to be horrible the first time." He touched her hand, intertwining their fingers together. "It'll get better…"

She smiled, "Whatever you say."

"I thought it was fairly perfect. I think you're perfect." She smiled at his words. "That's probably because I'm uncontrollably hypnotized by everything you do." He kissed her hand, positioning his body so he was in between her legs and his head rested on her stomach. Her foot was near his knee. It was a strange position to be in but it was endearing. She was absolutely comfortable and he seemed to be comfortable too. "It's the weekend…"

"Before exams." She said, "We're are studying. We have three exams next week…two the following and I'm not going to fail because you want to watch movies and go on a few _dates… _although, I don't know why we call it a date because it's the same places over and over again."

He sighed, "Because you get dressed up despite your reluctance to call it a date and I come and get you and we walk to the same places over and over again."

She laughed, "I don't get dressed up."

"Let's see if you get dressed up tomorrow or not."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

The next couple weeks were filled with late night study secessions and repeated thoughts of putting an IV in her arm filled with coffee. Miller and she hadn't done anything else when it came to sex. He was waiting patiently and she was gathering her courage to do it again. She was enjoying the fact that it was their secret—no one but them knew. She listened to her playlist in her bedroom and sighed. She was waiting for Miller to finish eating dinner with his father in the silence of her apartment. Tomorrow she left for the ground and she wanted to spend all her time tucked under the comfort of Nathan. She wanted to feel his passionate kisses and she wanted to feel his touch.

She climbed out of her bed and stretched. Her toes curled because of the coldness the metal radiated through her feet. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed the first cereal she saw. Of course, all the marshmallows were missing. She scrunched up her nose and went for the next box of Captain Crunch. They didn't have the luxury of _good _milk so she always ate her cereal dry.

She heard the door open the second she brought a fistful of colorful fruity balls to her mouth. Miller laughed at her, "Dinner of champions?" He remarked as a few of the pieces fell onto the floor. She crunched the cereal between her teeth, swallowing hurriedly before she jumped into his arms. "Mmm." He said when she pressed their lips together. "Where's your dad?"

"Working." She said, letting her hands fall on his shoulders before they slipped down his arms and grabbed his hands. She pulled him towards her bedroom with a sly smirk on her lips. They fell onto her bed with much laughter.

Miller was right about getting better—the second time was far more enjoyable than the first. She still wasn't an expert—she didn't know what was acceptable and what wasn't but she tried to make it good for him too.

Sometime after, she dressed and sprayed the room with air freshener so it wouldn't smell of sex. He eventually put on clothes but insisted he was staying the night even if her father could come home anytime. She rested her cheek on his bare chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. "We're about to graduate." She said, "What's next for us? I know you want to go into the service but you're adamant that you don't want to go on the ground."

"I'm going to join the program for law enforcement on the Ark." He told her, "It's the best move. So, what's your plan?"

"I have to go to the ground if I want to be a doctor." Clarke said, "Unless my mother teaches me but seriously…I don't know." He shifted underneath her because he didn't like where the conversation was going. "I haven't made any permanent decisions."

He sighed, "You know how I feel."

"I know." Clarke said, "The ground used to be your home, Nathan." She only used his given name when she was trying to prove a point. "You have friends and family members down there and it's like you've disregarded them."

"I've kept track of everyone." Miller said, "I'm sorry if—"

"I don't want to fight." Clarke said, "We can talk about it when I get back from Earth."

They let a silence creep over them, the only thing that filled it was the sound of their breathing and occasional sighs as their thoughts went somewhere else. Clarke was thinking about _home _and the beauty of Earth. She was thinking about friendly faces and good food. He was probably thinking about the newspaper headlines of the day.

NUCLEAR WAR INEVITABLE SAYS EXPERTS.

UNITED STATES PREPARES FOR ATTACK.

ALLIES ON ROCKY TERMS.

She heard the door open and she sighed, rising from Miller's chest to greet her father. He smiled at his daughter, "Where's young stud?"

"Bedroom."

"Oh."

Clarke shrugged and mouthed, "He's pouting."

Jake laughed at her and sat down on the couch, turning on his television so he could catch up on all of the football games from the last two months. He had a friend that sent them on the delivery ship so he could keep "up to date" but he worked too much to watch them in a timely manner. "Young stud! Football is on! Your dad will be here in five minutes and I'm sure he doesn't want to see you laid up in bed."

She rolled her eyes, "Smooth."

"I don't have to be smooth." He claimed, "Not one bit."

She giggled, "I love you dad."

"I love you too."

Miller walk out actually wearing a shirt and nodded towards Jake before he sat on the couch next to him. Clarke foresaw a long night of screaming and yelling at the television in her future especially when David Miller joined them. They opened up canned sodas and didn't bother with coasters. The woman in her started to freak out a little. If they ruined that wooden table that she tried so hard to get in her apartment…she would die. And she wouldn't die alone, either. She would take their messy asses with her.

She sat by Miller, feeling his arm wrap around her shoulder. She tried to cover her ear in his chest to tune out their excessive yelling as she watched the game with them. She understood what was going on—only because her father required that she understood "the greatest sport in the entire world." She registered every breath Miller let slip through his lips and every word that fell out of his mouth for a long time until the game became fairly interesting.

Each man exchanged strings of profanities about the ref and it made her smile a little. "This game is total bullshit!" Jake Griffin declared.

"Someone needs to check their voicemail because they're missing a few calls!" Clarke didn't know what came over her when she yelled this at the television. It wasn't like the player could hear her and she didn't even know when the game occurred.

Miller kissed the top of her hair, "Dove knows her football."

"That, I do." Clarke said with a smile. "Mr. Miller can Nathan stay the night?"

David cleared his throat, looking at Jake who shrugged. "Yes but only because you're leaving tomorrow and you're going to be gone for a week and a half." He claimed. "I really don't condone sleepovers." Clarke wanted to roll her eyes because Miller and she stayed the night together a lot without his knowledge.

"Understood." Clarke said, "Thank you." After the game, Clarke and Miller found themselves back in her bedroom as their fathers talked to each other. He tossed her a pillow because he never slept with more than one. She liked that because she was a pillow person. "I'm sleeping naked tonight just for the hell of it."

"You wouldn't see my complaining…" He said, "Although I assume we're going to be checked on every ten minutes so I wouldn't if I were you."

"Oh…you're telling me we aren't going to try to sneak one in?"

"Excuse me?" He laughed, his eyes crinkling at the edges because he found her question so hilarious. "Who are you, again?"

She crawled under her comforter, patting the right side of the bed for him to join her. He followed with a content expression. She found herself in his arms, her head against his chest like earlier. His fingers played with her hair as he sighed. "I love you." She said, "A lot."

"I love you." He returned, "I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I spend all my time with you…"

"I'll video chat every single day." She said, "And instant messaging will be our best friend. When I get back, we'll celebrate the missed holidays. I will kiss you until you're tired of kissing me. It'll be okay."

Her words supplied limited comfort. "Just come back, okay?"

"I will. I'll miss having lunch with Haley too much to stay."

"I'm serious…"

"I will." She kissed him softly to seal her promise. "Nothing's going to happen."


	5. Chapter 5

**In response to one of my reviews, I'm not exactly sure if this is a Bellarke story yet. It's about choices between two people and two different lives. This is more of a Clarke story. That being said, there is Bellarke elements and moments that complicate her choice. **

Chapter 5:

She could hear the sound of the engine roaring to life as the ship fell into the atmosphere. The older man sitting in his uniform looked over at her, "First drop?" He asked with a slight smile on his lips. "Don't worry, it gets better. My names Eugene Owens but you can call me Captain. I consider myself the captain of this ship."

Clarke nodded, forcing a smile. "Okay, Captain…yeah, this is my first drop. I'm going to see my mom and uh, I think I'm starting to regret my decision."

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it."

"I didn't say—"

"You've got that look in your eyes…this isn't your last drop to Earth…?"

"Oh, Clarke. My name is Clarke."

"Griffin?"

"Yeah…how'd you know?"

He shrugged, "Not a lot of Clarke's on the Ark."

"Right." She nodded, "My boyfriend said this was a bad idea…ugh. I feel like I'm about to get sick, I swear."

"Please don't." The Captain said, "You wouldn't be the first but I really don't feel like cleaning up vomit today." Clarke nodded, keeping it together while the ship shook like it was going to crash. She closed her eyes as the countdown ticked in her head. Her blonde hair was in a tight pony-tail and her face was patted lightly with makeup. She looked beautiful in her winter jacket and jeans—she wasn't used to having to wear a jacket at all. The Ark was the same temperature all the time and she seemed to be comfortable with it. Her blue eyes focused on the Captain, who closed his eyes to take in the pleasure of the fall.

As it landed, she understood what he was saying—this wasn't her last drop to Earth no matter how much it pissed Miller off. She was going to do it again just to feel it. Her eyes had to adjust to the bright light that blinded her when the door dropped to the ground. The seatbelts disassembled and she sighed in relief. She took her time to stand up even though she felt the urge to walk like a newborn calf. She inhaled and exhaled a dozen times before she finally stood from her seat and walked towards the light. She stood there, not bothering to take the Captain's hand when he offered her help down the steep walkaway. She shook her head, jumping off and landing on her feet.

She closed her eyes, breathing the air in like it was going out of style. She thought about it— air was going out of style if the nuclear apocalypse was really _coming. _She took in a big gust of air before someone stepped in her view. "Let me guess, you're the princess." Clarke arched an eyebrow at the glowing figure before her. She honestly couldn't see him because of the harsh light of the sun.

"Excuse me?" She let her attitude problem flare for a second as she stepped forward. He automatically stepped back and she took a step towards the side so she could look at whoever was speaking to her. She read his name tag, "Blake." She'd heard that last name somewhere…where had she heard that last name before? "Octavia." She smiled.

"That would be my sister, yes." He stepped forward and she could see the small things about his features through squinted eyes. She could see that his skin was a tan color and he had curly hair which was unusual for the typical military man. Normally, it would have been buzz cut. "I'm supposed to protect you from the _enemy._"

Clarke rolled her eyes, "You're a body guard?" No wonder he was allowed to grow out his hair, he was the person that got to wear plain clothes and skip out on a lot of the "required" military stuff because he had the _horrible _job of protecting elitist children. "Fuck this." She started to walk away, gaining perfect vision as she welcomed in the sight of home.

"Hey—language, how old are you?" He said behind her.

"I'll be 18 next month." Clarke said, "Please…I don't need a body guard. I can handle myself. If you read my file, you would know how old I am by the way."

"That's what they all say." He said, "Aren't you going to ask me what my name is or are you too important to know, princess?"

"Fine, what's your name?" She turned around to face him. She s_aw _him—took in his attractive features and paused. He was tall, something she knew when she only saw his silhouette, and he was gorgeous…his freckles splattered across his face and his lips—god, even Miller would have a crush on him.

"Bellamy." He answered, "Don't try any smartass shit either. I don't like you. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to hang out with you. It's my job and it sucks."

"Nice chat." Clarke said, "But I'm going to hang out with my friends."

"Aren't you going to see your mother first?" Bellamy asked, "How do you know my sister anyway—I read your file. We just transferred here and you've been on the Ark for a long time, princess."

"Okay, how about you don't call me princess and you stay out of my business?"

"Octavia is and always will be my business." Bellamy said, his face distorting as anger flashed across his features. He was _sensitive _about Octavia, wasn't he?

Clarke sighed, "I've been friends with Lincoln for a long time."

"Who the hell is Lincoln?"

Her eyes widened, "Uh…um… what? Who?" She laughed, "Monty Green was telling me about Octavia. Says she's extremely beautiful and we're going to be best friends."

"Doubtful. I wouldn't let my sister hang out with you or Monty Green…that guy is a total stoner."

She turned back around and started walking with Bellamy on her trail. "Can't you pretend you're watching me?"

"No." Bellamy said, "I can't. I need this job…I need the pay as much as I hate it."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

She knew two things forty-minutes into her time on Earth. Monty was totally going through Jasper withdrawals because of his new time schedule with Harper and Bellamy Blake was the King of Jackasses. He sat in Monty's room, playing with his knickknacks while Clarke and Monty silently discussed how happy they were about the fact she was on Earth. Every now and then she would look over at him, they would meet eyes and he would look away as if she were the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen. Then, she would feel him looking at her.

"…It sucks that Octavia's brother is your body guard a lot. How are we supposed to get high?" Monty said, peering over at Bellamy. He already told Bellamy once about putting his feet on the desk, but Bellamy disregarded his warning and did it anyway. "I would die. Hey, guess what? We're going to the Ark when it's complete. Mom and dad got their assignments yesterday."

"For science?" Clarke's voice rose in her excitement. She clapped her hands together because it meant she wouldn't have to deal with Haley much longer. She would be able to sit with her best friend and eat lunch with him every single day without worrying about a lag between their conversations. "Oh thank god! What about Jasper?"

"His parents applied but they haven't heard anything yet…" Monty shrugged, "It seems like a lot of the people on this base are going up. That's probably because most people have specializations in things that are necessary for life. Then, there are those who want to go into the guard program…"

"Miller wants to go into the guard program." Clarke looked down at her hands recalling the night before—recalling every single detail of the night before. "He always wanted to go into the service and now suddenly Earth is dangerous…" She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to come down. I guess if all my friends and family are on the Ark there's no real reason to come down here."

Monty's face told Clarke that he didn't want to get into the argument between the couple but he had something to say on the subject. "I'm going to miss Earth but my family is going to be up there. I'll have friends up there…it'll be great. It's safe, too. I think Lincoln's going—which will be awesome. Lincoln can run his tattoo business out of one of those apartments. I'm thinking about getting one that says 'Born to Die'—deep right?"

"That's a Lana Del Rey song." Clarke commented, her mind still somewhere else. "I think you should consider something else. How is Lincoln, by the way? Still hot, still sexy?"

"No comment."

"Who's Miller?" Bellamy asked, tossing an autographed baseball in the air, catching it perfectly. His strong arms flexed. "Your boyfriend, princess?"

"More like soul mate." Monty said under his breath, "They're going to get married and have beautiful biracial children."

She shook her head, "Not anytime soon." There was a light smile playing on her lips. Miller was the best boyfriend she knew…she loved him. Even if his ideas on Earth were completely bigoted.

"Clarke's saving herself." Monty told Bellamy as if it were an important thing Bellamy need to know. Clarke slapped him, looking into his eyes deeply. She was embarrassed—she'd never been embarrassed about virginity before and now that she didn't have it…what was the point of being embarrassed? She continued to glare at Monty. "Or not? Are you telling me—"

"Drop it." Clarke said quickly, "It's not a big deal…"

Bellamy cleared his throat trying to ease out of the sex talk, "Alright. So, you're in a relationship—that wasn't in your file."

"I didn't know it was documented." Clarke laughed, "Nathan Miller and I have been dating for a while now. We've been friends all of our lives. There's my little background information for you. We're are great. It's great."

"You just want two different things from your life." Bellamy concluded, "That's _great_."

Clarke turned to him, "Okay, who are you seeing then? Is your relationship absolutely perfect? She probably wants to get married, do you want to get married? Look, two different things out of life."

"A little defensive, aren't you?" Bellamy removed his feet from the desk, letting it them glide off of the wood, making a horrible sound. "I'm not exactly the type of guy that has one girlfriend."

Clarke rolled her eyes, her lip moving up in disgust. "You're a pig." She told him, "I don't understand how people don't commit to someone."

"I haven't found the right person."

"How can you find the right person if you brush everyone off?" Clarke countered, "It's no way to live."

Bellamy smirked, "Says the virgin."

"Not a virgin." Clarke said, "Not that it's any of your business."

He frowned, "Your mom know that?"

"My mom doesn't know a lot of things." Clarke said, "It's hard to know anything when your mom works twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week because she's the best."

Bellamy shrugged, "You really think you're going to marry this Miller guy?"

She nodded, "Of course. I've never wanted anyone more than I want him. He's the _one._" She continued, "I'm lucky to be in love with my best friend. We make sense."

"Whatever you say—"

"Don't call me princess again."

~TPCOTH~

**I'm not exactly sure what people think about this story yet but I want to say that this is mostly a Miller/Clarke relationship story. I'm really in love with this story line because I had a dream that I based this off of. Those who read my other stories know that I have a slight obsession with Miller. He's hot. I love him even if he barely says anything…whatever—my readers should have known I was going to have a Miller story eventually.**

**I haven't let go of Bellamy yet and there is a possibility that this will be a Bellarke story. **

**Please Review if I should continue to post (I'll most likely continue to write it anyway.) **

**-Brooke. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Clarke met Octavia Blake after evading Bellamy's watchful eye. "I'm going to take a bath." She told him, "You going to watch that too or you going to give me my personal space?" He shook his head, motioning for her to go take a bath. Clarke was far too familiar with the window in the master bathroom and how far she would have to drop to get to the ground. She welcome it—she welcomed every experience in the entire world. She slipped on leg out the window, her feet barely touching the ledge. She walked the ledge until she was near her mother's dirt garden. It was a long running joke between Clarke and her father about the garden her mother insisted on growing that she never touched. She dropped her bag of spare clothes on the ground and jumped, landing on her knees. She always told herself it didn't hurt until her body actually connected to the ground. She grabbed her bag and ran three houses down to the black, beat up Honda Accord.

She eased into the backseat with a smile, "Jasper!" She yelled over the rap music, "It's great to see you buddy!"

"You too Clarkie!" Jasper yelled, "I hope Mrs. Johnson doesn't mind me parking in her driveway. I'm surprised you had to sneak out." He looked in her rearview mirror as she shot him the finger. "I heard you have to deal with Bellamy."

"What's his deal?" She asked, "It's like he's bipolar or something. One minute he's perfectly fine, the next he's being a jackass." She paused in her rant about Bellamy, "Don't look at me, I'm changing."

Jasper chuckled, "Wouldn't dream of it. Monty tell you about Harper?"

"Yeah." Clarke said as she pulled off her shirt, attempting to put on a royal blue chiffon dress with puff sleeves that extended to her elbow and converted to a tight sleeve that went to her wrist. There was a white lace crochet collar that went around her neck. It looked extremely conservative until the length of it came into play. If she were to bend over, the club they were going to would see her entire ass. "Okay, so what do you think of this dress?"

Jasper shrugged like he didn't know what to say, "Cool."

"A lot of help you are." Clarke said, climbing into the front seat carefully. She flipped the mirror open and looked at her face. Her hair was in a fancy bun, she looked absolutely gorgeous. Her lips were dabbed with a pink lip gloss and her eye shadow was a nude color that brought out the blue of her eyes. "I'm seriously ready for tonight."

"Did you see the e-vite?" Jasper joked, "It says 'Clarke is grounded!' with a picture of you in time out as a little kid. Monty got it from your mom. Have you seen her yet?"

Clarke shook her head, "No. We talked on the phone for a minute but…it was whatever. She's working. You look nice—smell good. I like this Harper girl already, she keeps you clean."

He looked of at her, "Thanks. So, how's Miller?"

"Shit!" Clarke said, pulling at her phone. "I totally forgot to Skype him." She was relieved to have normal service now that she was back on the ground. She went to the blue app on her phone, pressing it and then pressing Miller's username.

There wasn't an answer.

She tried again.

Still no answer.

Clarke sighed, "He's not picking up. He's probably eating dinner with his dad or something." She frowned at her phone, her eyebrows furrowed. How could she forget? She shook the thought out of her mind as Jasper turned up the radio. They sung along to one of the chart toppers with shared smiles until they were in front of Lincoln's house. He put his hand on the horn four or five times before Lincoln walked out. "He is god." Clarke confirmed, snapping a picture of him on her phone with the flash on like paparazzi. She rolled down her window and said, "Show me your ass!" continuing to take pictures of him.

"You're a freak!" Lincoln said, holding his hand out to the brunette at the door. Clarke immediately saw the similarities between her and Bellamy. She wondered if Bellamy knew that she was missing yet…he hadn't called or anything…

She had to give him her number earlier "in case of emergencies", Clarke had reluctantly complied. Lincoln and Octavia climbed into the backseat, moving Clarke's bag to the floor. "Sorry." She said, "I had to jump out of the bathroom window."

"You still doing that?" Lincoln laughed, "Oh the memories!"

Clarke shrugged, "Normally I could just walk out of the front door because of my mom's absence."

Lincoln nodded, "I heard about your little body guard from Monty."

That's when Clarke turned to Octavia, "Hey…I'm Clarke by the way, it's nice to meet you."

"You too." Octavia smiled, "So, you had to escape my brother? Join the club. I already like you because with him working, I have time to spend with this guy."

"Yeah, I don't know what he's going to do when he realizes I faked taking a bath to go to some party."

"Explode. That's his typical reaction. Don't take his hard exterior personally, he's a jackass."

"I've notice."

"But he has a good heart." Octavia said, "Honestly. He's overprotective, though which can be a pain in the ass."

Clarke exhaled, looking back at her phone. She didn't know what she was waiting for…Miller to call or Bellamy to call. Her eyes were pulled away from her phone when Lincoln let out a warrior's roar. "Damn, Jasper, you look like I just jabbed you in the chest with a spear! Chill!"

"Who even says things like that?" Jasper turned to him, "That's weird…did I at least get stabbed trying to be the hero?"

"Something like that." Lincoln snorted. They spent a long time going back and forth with playful banter. Their laughter filled the tiny car until they were at the two-story suburban house. Every light was on and there were ten teenagers in the small lawn. She could see the smoke floated around them. "Welcome home, Clarkie." Lincoln said with a hard pat on her shoulder. She smiled, ready to inhale the chemical air that followed a cigarette. She hadn't had one in so long… she wasn't addicted to it—she knew that's what addicts said—but she liked the way the filter felt against her lips sometimes and how she could focus only on inhaling and letting the smoke float out of her nose with the slight burn.

They got out of the car and she heard Octavia move by her side. "I love your dress, by the way." Octavia said, "It's really pretty."

"Thanks. It's old…I haven't had the opportunity to go shopping yet. Normally, I order from the Ark and it takes four months to get my package but I haven't ordered in forever. I prefer the mall." Octavia smiled at Clarke. "I got this dress for $10."

"Are you serious?" Octavia's eyes almost bulged out of her head. "That's an amazing deal!"

"Yeah…I don't care for expensive clothes. I like cheap and thrifty because I know it's only acceptable to wear a specific outfit once or twice."

"Bellamy doesn't understand that."

"I actually have a few dresses that might fit you. I'm a little bigger than you but you can definitely try them on if you want."

"Thanks!" She smiled, "I'm going to make sure Lincoln doesn't get another tattoo tonight."

"Bye!" Clarke said, "Monty's going to be here right?"

Jasper nodded, "He had to eat dinner with his parents first. Stick with me, Clarke. The people you once loved have turned into potheads with alcohol problems. Armageddon does that to people." She frowned at his words, "My parent's are going up to the Ark."

"That's a good thing…"

"Is it?" He asked, "What make us more important than everyone else? People are going to die. They're going to be incinerated and we get to sit up in a metal box thanking god…thanking god? God doesn't exist in a world like this."

"You want to stay on the ground." Clarke said, her eyebrows pushing together as she accepted it. "I get it…wanting to keep your feet on the ground because it doesn't seem fair that you get to live and they get to die. The Ark is going to be difficult, you know? There are going to be strict rules, population will be limited. Oxygen deprivation will cause migraines and some people will get sick. There are a lot of obstacles on the Ark but some people have to survive. We have to think about the human race… your parent's are an asset. They don't—the government—doesn't give a damn about your lives, they give a damn about your minds." Clarke summed it up, "The ground is my home…but I know I have to go back."

Jasper nodded, something sparkling in his eyes. He wiped it away, "I know."

"Look at them…getting drunk and wasting their time. They look so happy and in the end, most of them will die." Clarke said, "It's scary. It's not pretty. It won't be easy. You'll have survivor's guilt but know that we're surviving for the greater good."

"They knew about this a long time ago, you know? That's why they put us all on the same base." Jasper said, "Specialized covert scientist, engineers, doctors…this was planned. It's disgusting."

"I know." Clarke said, "But we can't change it."

She heard her phone start to ring in her hand. She looked down at it, seeing an unregistered number across her phone. "Krispy Kream, how can we help you today?"

"Real cute. Where are you?" Bellamy's voice demanded to know.

"Nowhere specific. What can I do for you?" Clarke asked, smiling at Jasper. "Listen, I'll be home soon. Don't worry. I'm just having a little bit of fun. I didn't leave base."

It sounded like he growled, "Miss Griffin, if you are not home within the next fifteen minutes—I will find you and I will put you on house arrest for the remainder of your time on Earth."

"I'd really like to see you try, Bellamy Blake." She countered, "Goodbye." She hung up her phone, handing it to Jasper. "If Miller calls let me know, anyone else is irrelevant." Jasper nodded and they moved into the house. Clarke caught sight of Lincoln and Octavia dancing and decided not to interrupt them. She breathed, "I want a drink but I don't…is that weird? There's no alcohol allowed on the Ark so…"

"Why not?"

"It might offend specific religions." Clarke said, "I just don't want to taste it knowing I'll probably never have it again."

Jasper groaned, "Don't tell me that!"

"The Ark should be finished by the summer…you have time to savor it."

"That is, if we aren't attacked." Jasper said, "The first sign of nuclear attacks to our country, the second we leave. My mom already started packing." His fist connected with a shelf.

"What's really got you upset?" Clarke asked.

"Harper's not military, Clarke." He said, "So it's a tragic ending, right? I'm going to go up there and she's going to die." The sparkles returned to his eyes, leaving a glistening trail down his cheek. "I care about her so much…it's not fair. It's just not fair."

She pulled her friend in her arms, greeted by the flash of a camera phone from an old friend. Monroe laughed, "What's got you down, J. J.?"

He shrugged, "It's nothing. I'm going to get a drink."

Monroe and Clarke casually chatted about the Ark and high school—once or twice about who was pregnant, who dropped out. It was typical conversation that didn't scratch the surface of anything too specific or too emotion.

Jasper returned with her phone, "Miller." Clarke smiled and looked at Monroe who nodded a goodbye. Clarke answered his Skype call but noticed it wasn't for video chat. She brought the phone up to her ear to listen for him.

"Hey." She said, trying to walk towards Jasper's car so the music didn't interfere with their conversation. She didn't want to get her dress dirty by sitting on the hood so she stood uncomfortably in front of it.

"Hey to you." Miller said, "Sorry I missed your calls I was eating dinner with my dad. Where are you?"

"I think I'm celebrating Armageddon." Clarke said, "I'm at a party—don't know whose house but I haven't seen a parent or guardian yet. I had to sneak away from my body guard…he's so annoying, Miller you have no idea."

"You have a body guard?" He seemed concerned with the fact. "Baby, that really doesn't make me feel good about you being down there. Have you seen the paper today? There was an attack in France with a small nuclear weapon. Forty-seven people are dead."

"That's France." Clarke said, "Does that mean the Ark's about to get a few guest?"

"I'm assuming." Miller said, "How is everyone?"

"Octavia is wonderful." Clarke told him, "Seriously—I think I found my best friend soul mate. Her brother is annoying…A.K.A. my guard. Monty, Jasper and Lincoln will be joining us in the summer if things go according to plan. Isn't that exciting?"

"Yeah." He said, "I miss you…"

"I miss you too." Clarke said, "At least…I think I miss you and then I see Lincoln in his tight black t-shirt and I think damn…did I ever have a chance with that?" Nathan laughed at her, "I think I had a chance with that in second grade. I'm serious. If I could have played it cool when we were growing those plants and ate dirt with the rest of you, I could have been his girl."

"But you had to lecture us on the dangers of eating dirt." He said, "That's why I love you, you know? You care. You care so fucking much that it's ridiculous sometimes but you're also a free-spirit. Plus, you help me on my math homework and that's just great."

Clarke let a stupid grin form across her face, "I'm lucky…" She told him, "I'm lucky you're up there and I'm lucky that I can be up there with you."

"Just make sure you're actually up here when you make that speech next time." He said, "Sleeping alone is one of the worst things in the world."

"You're only saying that because you're the mattress hog and I'm not." Clarke said, "If it was the other way around, you'd be thanking god that I'm on Earth right now."

"No I wouldn't." He said, "I'm scared for you. I know you're fearless but this is serious…what if you don't make it home, Clarke? Obviously the military is worried about your safety if you have a guard on your trail—you shouldn't have escaped his watch by the way."

She twisted her body a little, "But he's a jackass!"

"That is trained to protect you. I don't care about his personality flaws, baby. I care about you and your safety."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

She opened the front door of her house, slightly stumbling in because she was tired—not because she was wasted. That's when she was met with a bright light to her eyes. "Welcome home, princess. Do you not have a watch? Or has space destroyed your time scale? Fifteen minutes passed three hours ago." She walked passed him, throwing her bag on the chair. Her mom hadn't changed the house at all. There were still family pictures lining the hallways and her father's things still lined the living room like they never left. "Don't walk away from me..." he said warningly as he followed her into the kitchen.

She opened the fridge, trying to lean down to see what she could eat without flashing him her black underwear. She grabbed a pack of cheese and a knife, slicing into it quickly before shoving the orange piece into her mouth. He stared at her with raised eyebrows, she smirked. "You could have gone to sleep…"

"I had to make sure you came home." Bellamy said, "I have a sister that has been waiting for me to get home all night. Do you realize how incredibly selfish you are?"

Clarke started to laugh, "O has not been waiting for you to get home all night." Somewhere between shot one and two, Octavia had told her to call her _O _instead of Octavia. Clarke welcomed the speedy relationship. "You made the choice to stay here. I don't even want you here!"

"O?" Bellamy questioned, "And how would you know anything about my sister?"

"I told you we were going to be friends." Clarke said, "Jasper and Monty are her friends too. We met, we laughed, and we had fun. Then, we dropped her off at your house and it was a good night. Don't worry, I made sure she got into the house."

He actually growled, "Who do you think you are? Stay away from my sister."

"No!" Clarke said with her mouth open. "She's my friend and you can't tell me what to do. At all. You're only the person assigned to make sure I don't get blown up…nothing more."

"Exactly—you're a fucking snob. I don't want people like you messing with my sister's brain. You're so privileged, never had to work for a damn thing. You don't understand her struggle and you don't understand how it feels to lose a parent. You're just a pretty girl who wants a pretty friend to talk gossip with and braid your hair. She's not like you so stay away from her, you understand?"

"I'm the snob, right?" Clarke said, "You don't me. You never will. I'm choosing to ignore you because I understand you're a great brother and Octavia swears to god even though you're a jackass, you have a good heart. So, I'm going to chalk up your outburst to the fact that you love your sister and you want to protect her. I won't hurt her. My friends won't hurt her. But if I suddenly stop talking to her after the incredible night we all just had—it'll break her heart."

He huffed, "Just go to bed."

"With pleasure." Clarke said, taking her knife and cheese with her. Her feet weren't used to the steps and she had to watch them as she climbed. She heard him talking on the phone with someone, his voice much softer than before. She smiled knowing he must be talking to Octavia.

Clarke stripped out of her dress, tossing it towards the hamper and reaching for her luggage. She pulled out Miller's shirt, bringing it to her nose so she could inhale his scent. She removed her tablet from her bag and called him on the Skype, placing it on her desk. It was late but he still answered. He watched as she put on his shirt and smiled, "Hey Dove…"

"Hey baby." She said sleepily, sitting in the chair to her desk. "I just wanted to talk to you—wanted to see you."

He yawned, "Did you have fun tonight?"

"Yes." She said, "I looked hot, too."

"Still do."

"Haven't seen my mom yet." Clarke said, "Sucks."

He agreed with her, his hand wiping his face. "Body guard still there."

"Yeah." Clarke said, "He tried to pretend it was my fault that he's stuck here when we both know that he can't leave until my mother is here."

"Did you tell him that?"

"No point." Clarke shrugged, "Seemed like he had other things on his mind."

"So thoughtful." Miller mused, "I like what you've done to your hair."

She smiled, touching her hair. "Do you really? I didn't feel guilty about using hairspray tonight. I know it lingers on the Ark…" She heard her bedroom door open, Bellamy peeked in. "Miller meet Bellamy." She picked up her tablet, facing it towards her guard. The boys exchanged a nod, "Can I help you?" She asked him.

He rolled his eyes, "I was going to apologize."

"No need." Clarke said, "Is that all?"

"Yeah." He said, shutting the door quickly.

Miller yawned again, "At least he apologized."

"Yeah…doesn't seem like the type of person that apologizes too often." She said, "Baby I'm going to let you go before you pass out. I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled, "Be safe. Sleep well."

They ended their call and Clarke slipped on some pants before she walked downstairs. She'd been thinking about the fact that he ordered her to go to bed and she did it—she was going to show him that she wasn't _that _compliant. His head shot up as she walked down the stairs, "I thought you were going to bed."

"Just because I didn't rush off the drop ship to meet my mom doesn't mean I don't want to see her." Clarke said, "We happen to have a complicated relationship."

"How so?"

"Do you really care?" Clarke asked, "We just don't have real bond like a mother and daughter should. Her life revolves around her job and I understand that it's an important job…I'm just thankful for my dad."

He nodded, "Your dad is in the sky?"

"Yeah." She said, sitting down on her couch. "I forgot how comfortable this couch is." Her comment made him crack a smile. He had a nice smile. Bellamy sat next to her on the couch, "My dad is the best person I know despite the fact that he eats cereals for little kids and takes all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms. He understands how I feel and he doesn't hesitate to talk to me about anything—except sex, we've recently come to the conclusion that we weren't going to talk about sex anymore."

"Because you and your boyfriend Miller are having sex?"

"He knows." Clarke shrugged, "He always knows what's going on in my life. I like that—I like having someone that gives me my freedom but keeps an eye on what I do. My mother is just absent."

"How many times before your dad knew?" The question wasn't weird. Clarke recognized that Bellamy was asking for a reason that wasn't sexually perverted or creepy. He was asking so he would know about Octavia…

"Your father isn't around, is he?" Clarke asked, "So you're practically Octavia's dad."

He nodded, "I don't need your pity."

"I'm not giving it to you." Clarke said, "My dad knew before I actually had sex that I was thinking about it."

He exhaled, "That's comforting." The edges of his lips threatened to turn up into a smile but he was fighting it. "What's this Lincoln guy like?"

"Besides dreamy?" Clarke asked, "He's strong, he's smart, he's resourceful—wouldn't want to be with anyone else if I were running away from the cops…and he's sweet. I'm pretty sure he loves your sister. He's great." She nodded, her cheeks rising. "He's family…we're all family. Monty, Jasper, Lincoln, Miller and me…family. Our parents were gone all the time and we bonded. The only time besides now that we've ever been apart was when Miller's dad got stationed away when his mom died." Clarke sighed, "They didn't think he could handle the burden of confidential material. My dad sort of brought him back when Project Exodus came into play. Miller came back…and I—I fell for him. Sort of. He pissed me off and he hooked up with this girl Haley before we got together but then we got together…and we've been together ever since."

"My mom was a seamstress…a dying art form, really. She got pregnant with Octavia and money was slim so she supplemented income…the way she did that doesn't really matter, I guess. I joined the service when I turned eighteen—I did basic training, I worked hard—kept my head down, took care of O. Friend of mine comes to me says he has a job for me now that the overseas stations are closing down… I take it without asking and now I'm babysitting people." Bellamy looked over at her, "Now I'm 24 and unsure of the entire future."

"My best friend is going to have to say goodbye to his girlfriend during the summer because his parents got stationed on the Ark. She's not military, she's not wealthy…" She said, "It's heartbreaking. Of course, I thought of the noble things I could do to fix the problem…Jasper's my best friend. I just don't know if this is one of those things I can fix."

"He could stay with her."

Clarke shook her head, "Is love worth dying in reality? I know in books and movies they always make that noble choice but would you really die for someone you love? Or would you live because you loved them?"

He shrugged, "You're the one that's in love, princess. I'm just having casual relationships with different girls."

Clarke nodded, "Right. I forgot that you're disgusting for a minute there."

"I forgot that you sit on a pedestal." He said under his breath, "What's the Ark like, honestly? Don't try to sell it to me."

"The walls are lifeless, the views great though. You miss the sun, you miss the way air feels in your lungs, you miss the little things you never really noticed until you lost them. I missed the warmth, though. I missed walking into my house and throwing my book bag down on the ground before running out to meet Jasper or Lincoln or Monty to do god knows what and I miss being able to drive and drive until I'm so far away that people worry…I miss having space and I miss nature."

"You really don't like it there, do you?"

"Sometimes I do." Clarke shrugged, her face in a permanent frown. "And sometimes I wish I never left Earth in the first place. I don't know how I would feel if I were born on the Ark…I'd liked to think that I would want to breathe real air and I would want to feel the wind against my skin but I don't know. Future generations might not be so homesick."

"Your boyfriend likes it up there?"

"If he doesn't, he wouldn't say any different." Clarke said, "He probably misses hanging out with the guys as much as I do. He probably wants to play sports and he probably wants to have a decent day at the shooting range, too. He doesn't…if he's completely miserable…he wouldn't tell me. He'd keep it to himself because he knows where I would rather be."

"I think you say that because the United States looks fairly normal—even in these base walls." Bellamy said, "You seem smart enough to know that the second war becomes real here, you're going to go back. You'll make that place home because you have to…"

She said, "It's confusing, you know? How much you circle around decision that have already been made—I know what's going to happen yet I get into these discussions as if I have options."

He remained silent.

"To live or to die are the options everyone has been given. Most are choosing to live on this base. They've filled out their applications, they've gone through a security check, and they've enlisted into the guard." She played with her fingers, "I didn't have to do any of that. My father was asked to join the Ark. Actually, both my parents were asked. Naturally, they decided that I should live. They're expecting me to follow in my mother's footsteps. I will be the next generation of doctors…and I train the next. That is why I am supposed to live to them—no other reason." She raised her hand, closing her fist before she slammed her hand on her thigh. "You spend your whole life reading about people that fought the odds, rose up and became the best whatever in the world…and then it just comes down to Darwinism in the end. Your parents are rich, your parents are smart and suddenly you're worth the oxygen."

Their voices were slow and thoughtful as the night stretched on. "Life isn't fair, Clarke."

"I know." She said, "I just want a lifetime of something I can never have. I want the opportunity that billions of people have had…and I have the opportunity billions of people will never. How fucked up am I mentally?"

"Extremely." He laughed, "I get it, you know? I get why you want to stay here and why you want to be there at the same time."

She nodded—how could he understand if she didn't understand it herself? "Did you do it?"

He looked over at her, "Do what?"

"Fill out the application."

"Not yet." He said, "I've been thinking about getting mine and Octavia's hopes up just to get them shot down." He shifted on the couch and looked at her. "The guard program sounds promising…but do I want to enforce laws I don't agree with? And if we screw up—if she breaks a law, what happens to her? What happens to me?"

"I don't know."

"We die, that's what happens."

"Is it as simple to say don't break the law?"

He looked at her, "You broke rules tonight for a little fun because you've been pint up in a box for a year…Octavia's got a wild streak that I both admire and despise. She'll bend rules and I'm scared they won't be as understanding." Exhale. "Octavia is my life."

"You're a good person. You should lead with that." Clarke said, "Maybe you'll end up falling in love and letting people in if you stop acting like a jackass." She glanced over at the clock and frowned, "She's not coming home tonight…"

"I'm sorry."

Clarke shook her head, "It's typical."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

**MIDDLE EAST ISSUES THREAT TO U. S. **

Clarke hesitantly took a sip from her coffee mug, turning away from the recently updated newspaper article. It'd been live for four hours. Any minute her phone would ring…all she could do was wait. She closed her eyes and let slight amounts of fear enter her system. Did she make a mistake coming down to Earth? She breathed through her nose greeted by the smell of _pot_ brownies? Her eyes shot open as the side door opened from the kitchen. Monty stood before her, "I read it."

"And you thought drugs were the answer to all our problems?" Clarke attempted to sound like an adult but she faltered, snatching one of the brownies off the tray and shoving it into her mouth. "Your recipe is…quite perfect."

He smiled, taking one of his own treats and shoved it in his mouth. "I'll put these in the fridge."

"Okay." Clarke said, moving towards her living room with her coffee mug and laced treat. "She never came home until 4 AM. She's already gone and it's not even noon." Clarke commented, "Bellamy is on his way, I assume."

"Are you scared?"

"That the world could end in the next few weeks?" Clarke asked, "I'm terrified."

"We packed this morning." Monty said, "Only the things that mattered…I feel like my parents packed before they were accepted. We're ready to leave at any moment."

"It's not fair." Clarke said for the hundredth time. "None of it…the fact that the Middle East is capable of wiping us out is scary and it's a real possibility. It makes me wonder why I'm even here right now."

She felt her phone ringing in her back pocket. "Hey…" She said tentatively as she answered. "I'm fine. There's no need to worry."

"No need to worry, Clarke? They've declared war." Miller said, his voice raising. "Issues threat? What kind of bullshit euphemism is that? The Middle East is plenty capable of destroying the entire country. It's time to come home."

She was silent, "Not yet…I still have things I want to do down here. It's fine. I'll be fine."

"You're really killing me here." Miller said slowly, almost shakily. "Clarke, baby, please come home. Don't put your life at risk…"

"I love you." She said, "I'll talk to you later. It's going to be okay."

"I love you too but Clarke—"

She hung up on him and turned to Monty. "How about another one of those brownies?" Monty didn't smile at her, he didn't even go for the brownies. He grabbed her by her shoulders and said the worst thing he could possibly tell her:

"It's time to say goodbye, Clarke. Before it's too late."

She heard her front door open and in walked Octavia and Bellamy Blake. He nodded towards her, trying to tell her something that she was too out of it to understand in that moment. Clarke smiled at Octavia, "Did you want to try on those dresses now?"

"I don't foresee there being much of a later, do you?" Octavia asked.

It was odd how someone could smile under such shock and fear—but they managed two shaky grins and ran off into Clarke's room. After trying on dresses and making meaningless conversation, Clarke and Octavia sat on her bed. "I'm not sure what the future holds." Octavia said, "Bellamy applied for the guard program today…" Octavia was faced away from Clarke and didn't see her pull out her phone.

_**Clarke: **_**When are you coming home?**

It was the first time Clarke let herself feel _it. _The realness of the situation they were all facing. Terror pulsed through everyone's veins like ice water and it was hard to move—it was hard not to put on a fake smile and go on.

She didn't even hear Jasper running up the stairs when her door opened. He looked at Clarke, "Put on something pretty, meet me at the courthouse in an hour." He started to run down the stairs again.

"What?" Clarke asked, "Why?" She stood up to follow him with Octavia quick on her heels. Jasper was downstairs with Lincoln, Monty, and Jasper. "What's going on?"

Jasper looked at Clarke and smiled widely, "I'm getting married, C."

She heard her phone beeping in her pocket but she couldn't move. "Married?"

He continued to grin at her despite her confused expression, "I can't leave Harper here to die." He explained, "Knowing that…my best option is to marry her and take her with me."

"What about her family?"

"She doesn't have one." Lincoln said, "Foster child. A shame, really."

"So you're doing this?" Clarke asked, "You're really getting married in an hour."

"Yeah." It was the happiest, scared word she ever heard. Suddenly, she was smiling too.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Jasper's shoulders for the brief moment of hope. "I'll get ready." She declared. Octavia hugged Jasper, too.

"See you in an hour." Octavia smiled as their friend ran out of Clarke's house. Lincoln and Bellamy looked at each other without saying a word. Their silence wasn't awkward—there was something implied in it; respect.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

_**Mom**_**: Soon, hun. **

Clarke stared at the text message in shock—the world was ending and her mother still had time to reject her. She looked into the mirror, straightening her green dress before walking down the stairs in her matching flats. Monty snapped a picture of her with his phone, "Our baby is all grown up." He said like a southern mother, "Aw shucks. Honey, why don't you get a picture with your crabby body guard?" Clarke stole a glance at Bellamy, who'd taken Octavia home to change because he didn't "like" any of Clarke's dresses on her. He was wearing a button-up navy blue shirt and a pair of jeans. The shirt looked like it was suffocating his strong arms. He looked _attractive. _

Bellamy stepped forward, frowning in the picture as she smiled like a clown. "This is ridiculous." Bellamy muttered after Monty was finished making a fool out of himself. "A wedding is really the answer?" Clarke opened her mouth in shock at Bellamy's lack of respect for Jasper's choice. He'd found a way around the system—he was saving someone's life. It was noble.

"Jasper's a romantic at heart." Clarke closed her mouth only to open it again, "It's the last option. He won't leave her behind." The doorbell rang and Clarke looked up, "Who is that?"

"Most likely my on-again-off-again girlfriend Lexa." Bellamy mumbled as if he didn't really want her to hear the answer, "I told her about the wedding. She wanted to come. I said come on."

"Does she know anyone?" Clarke asked, annoyed that he invited a stranger into her home. He was a stranger—one chat didn't mean that they were best friends. He couldn't just do whatever the hell he wanted to do.

He shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe?"

"This is Jasper's day, how can you be so stupid?" She rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Do whatever the hell you want, Bellamy! Who brings a date to a courthouse wedding?"

"Princess, you aren't seriously going to get mad because I'm bringing a date to one of the last events on Earth, are you?"

Clarke shook her head, "Whatever."

XXX

She was absolutely stoned out of her mind by the time the wedding was over. She was walking around her house at the make-shift reception with her phone turned off in her pocket and her mind in a bubbly haze. Somehow, she ended up in the kitchen with her body leaned against the table that she couldn't remember having a family dinner at once. "Clarke…" Bellamy walked into the kitchen, "You're leaving, aren't you?"

Clarke bit her lip and nodded in the affirmative, "My home is going to be destroyed." Clarke said, "This kitchen table will never have a good family to sit around it."

He looked at her with sad eyes, "Your family has never sat around that table together?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Not your biological family but your real family…" He said, "I'm sure Lincoln, Monty, Jasper, and even your boyfriend have sat at that table and laughed." Her lip quivered as she sucked back tears—it only caused her to sob. "Your family is going to be okay."

He stepped closer to her when she said, "What about you? And O?"

"I don't know. We have to wait…I have to get approved."

She swallowed her tears, "What if you don't?"

"Then I don't…" He said with a shrug, "My fight is over. I lived a good life—" He stopped midsentence, striding over to her quickly and pressing his lips to hers in a crushing manner. Her reflexes were slow but she pushed him away with force. "—now I've lived a fulfilled life."

Her eyebrows furrowed as she watched him leave. She didn't even know if it really happened or if she was hallucinating. Did Bellamy just kiss her? She touched her lips, leaning back into the table. She thought of her family—she thought of Miller. How would he feel about that? Clarke did the right thing by pushing him away…she hadn't kissed him back, either. She hadn't welcomed the kiss but it was stuck in her mind like a brand.

It was wrong.

It was so wrong…

And what had he meant? Fulfilled life? They barely knew each other. How could one kiss fulfill his life…

She was confused when the red banner ran across the television.

**MEXICO ATTACKED: MIDDLE EAST TAKES CREDIT**

Clarke ran into the living room, turning on the T.V. before she threw herself into the couch. It was the first time it had been breathtakingly silent. She couldn't even hear her own breathing. Their phones started ringing but no one answered. She heard Lincoln set his beer down on the coffee table, leaning forward. Their phones started to ring again, this time they answered—everyone but Clarke.

Her body was completely frigid as she watched the satellite image of Mexico being bombarded by nuclear weapons. There were four spots that seemed to be affected. She put her hand to her mouth but there weren't any tears.

She heard her phone ring once more and this time she answered, "Hello."

"Clarke…" Her father breathed in relief, "I guess you're watching the news right now."

"I guess you're telling me to cut my trip short." She said, trying to add humor into her statement but she couldn't. "I'll get mom. I'll be on the next shuttle. Monty, Jasper, Lincoln and Harper are permitted, right?"

"Yes. I got their paperwork minutes ago with the rest of the evacuation placements...or I had their parents flagged because they are my best friends and I care." She nodded at her dad's word, knowing that he couldn't see her.

"Thanks." She said, "I'll see you soon."

"The next shuttle leaves at 7:30 PM. Be on it, please." He said, "I love you, kid."

"I love you too."

She put the phone against her forehead as she hung up. She felt like everyone's eyes were on her. "Report to the shuttle in five hours." Clarke said, "Get your necessary things together and say your goodbyes. It's time to go to the Ark."

Her eyes met Bellamy's and she frowned. Those brown eyes were so… so something. She didn't have words to describe it. There was a certain amount of fear somewhere in the brown orbs. Fear for his life, fear for his sister's life…maybe fear for everyone else. He moved his head to the side to indicate that he wanted to talk to her.

She followed him and he said, "You want to stay—this is your chance."

"I can't make that choice right now."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a hard choice!" Clarke said, "Death or life…that's a difficult choice."

"The ground or the sky, Clarke?" Bellamy asked and she really didn't know the answer. "Are you going to waste your time with something that makes sense or are you going to take a risk?"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

"_If you want to stay…just meet me by the courthouse." _Bellamy told her before pressing an electric kiss to her forehead.

**Four Hours Later…**

"The way I see it-you have two choices. The sky or the ground, Clarke. You either go back home or you stay here to die but you got to make your choice now." She thought of the sky and his warm embrace-thought of the ground and his single kiss...and suddenly, she wasn't so sure what she wanted. She only knew that she had 15 minutes to make the biggest decision of her life.

She was irrevocably in love with Nathan Miller. He'd been _that guy—_the one that made her whole world feel right even if it were breaking into a thousand pieces. He cared about her in ways that no one else could—in ways no one else would never. She would always have a connection him that could never be tethered by any amount of erosion.

And Bellamy was a stranger…a stranger that made her think about stuff and gave her choices. A stranger that, under any other circumstances, she would have been interested in. She knew if she weren't with Miller…if she hadn't found _the one _that he—Bellamy would be that guy.

Maybe in another life.

In a life that wasn't about destroying their planet, but reviving it…

She looked down at the phone in her hand and dialed his number that she never saved but had memorized in such a short period of time. "Hey…" he answered, surprised that she would call probably. "Where are you?" He had been so sure that she would show…hadn't he? This brought more tears to her eyes. Tears that she damned because she shouldn't be upset about leaving him behind—not in the way that she was upset.

"I'm going _home." _She said.

"To be with Miller." He let out a breath as if he'd been punched.

"Not just Miller…my family, my friends." Clarke said, her tears finally boiling over.

He was silent for a moment, "Since I'm most likely not going to make it…you know…I have a question."

"Yeah."

"If it came down to it…if we'd had more time and—if it was really a choice between me and him…would I ever have a chance?"

She closed her eyes tightly together, "I love him with everything I have. I have always loved him…maybe if he wasn't…maybe if I'd known you first—and maybe if I wasn't who I am…"

"That's a lot of maybes." Bellamy commented. "I get it…you know? I understand that you two have this deep history. Who am I, right?"

"I care about you…" She cried, "But it's just—"

"Timing." Bellamy said, "Its timing."

"Goodbye, Bellamy."

"Goodbye, Princess."

Clarke wiped her eyes as she stepped back into the shuttle, taking her seat by her mother. "Who was that on the phone?" She asked—the first real thing her mother had said to her in over a year that wasn't patched through a video feed.

"Someone that deserves to be on this shuttle." She said, looking over at Lincoln and his family. His face was clenched as his father looked at him. "I'm sorry." She mouthed to him and he shook his head away from her so she couldn't see him break. They should have been on this shuttle—not one of the possible shuttles that may or may not get blown up if they were attacked.

The Captain looked at her and said, "The sky, pretty girl?"

Clarke nodded, "The sky."

In truth, Clarke knew that she was doing the right thing. Of course she was leaving a piece of her heart—no matter how microscopic compared to what Miller had—behind on the ground. This wasn't a movie, though. The war hadn't stopped because she willed it to and she hadn't fallen for the handsome stranger with the troubled past and attitude problem…she wasn't going to run into his arms and kiss him passionately right before the credits rolled because it was the end of the world and she had to do something with her _heart _in it.

No—that's just not real.

Reality is sitting next to a parent that barely knows about her life while her friends cry for, not only the people they were leaving behind on the base, but the billions of innocent people that were being sacrificed because of revenge. Reality is staying loyal to the person she loves and reality is pain and hurt and a few tear drops late at night because reality was one thing, if not cruel.

To be completely honest, reality sucked.

It sucked, and it sucked until the person it preyed upon was hallow and weak.

She took in one last refreshing breath before the door of the shuttle closed and her seat belt tightened around her. She felt the comforting hand of Monty Green reach around the side of his seat and grab hers tightly. "It isn't over just yet." He told her and she nodded.

The engine fired to life and she heard the comments of the high-ranking military officials and scientist around her. _These are the people that have value… _She told herself as she felt the shuttle launch. It was one of the worst moments of her life.

Knowing that people were dead already…knowing that people were going to die.

And she was just going to live because she was the kid of two brilliant people.

_How could he ask me to die with him?_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

**THE MIDDLE EAST HITS CALIFORNIA**

**WASHINGTON D. C. PLANS COUNTERATTACK**

**OCEANIC TEST KILLING ENDANGERED SPECIES **

**RUSSIA HITS MIDDLE EAST**

**ENGLAND UNDER ATTACK**

Her forehead was pressed against the middle wall of her room, she looked over at the half-naked figure in her bed and sighed before she dialed the number she knew she shouldn't be dialing at 3:21 AM. The phone rang and it rang before he answered, "Princess." He breathed, "A little late don't you think?"

Clarke wanted to laugh at his attitude but she remained serious, "How is she?"

"It's just a cold." Bellamy said, "Coughing, sneezing…the same things associated with every cold."

She looked at the wall and breathed, "Are you scared?"

"Scared? Me? No." Bellamy replied, "Does your boyfriend know that you're calling me so late?"

Her face turned red, "I'm only checking on a friend. It's not like…it's not like how you're making it sound."

"I know." He said. The phone rattled a little and a sharp spike of worry pulsed through her bones. "Sorry, the connection is awful."

"The network is being fixed." Clarke said, "I—uh—you know why I'm really calling."

"To make sure I haven't backed out of our little arrangement."

Clarke looked down at her feet, "Don't call it that—I made sure you were approved, okay. That means you get on the shuttle tomorrow and you don't stay behind because of a hero-complex. Get on the shuttle, Bellamy."

"There's another shuttle after this one." Bellamy said, "It'll be fine."

"You can't keep postponing this!" She yelled, covering the receiver to her phone as she looked over at Miller. He was moving and she frowned. "This conversation isn't over but just remember the longer you postpone, the more you're risking Octavia's life."

"I didn't say Octavia wasn't going to be on the shuttle." Bellamy said, "I'm tempted not to leave at all."

The line went dead and Clarke put her phone on her cold, metal desk. Miller was sitting up in the bed now, rubbing his face. "You okay?" He asked, his eyes radiating concern for her. "Who was on the phone?"

"A friend." Clarke brushed it off—she still hadn't told him about Bellamy kissing her or asking her to stay on the ground with him. She didn't know how to find the words to approach the subject…so she didn't. She moved towards the bed and removed her shirt. She felt Miller's eyes watching her every motion—how she took off her pajama pants and kicked them off when they reached her ankles. She glanced at him and he was smiling at her. Her weight caused her bed to sink as she crawled to him, eventually wrapping her legs around his waist.

He wasn't used to her bold attempts, "That's so hot." He claimed before she pressed their foreheads together. Her tongue darted out of her mouth to lick wet her lips as he opened his mouth to release a rough breath. She slowly let her lips drift to his before they closed the distance. His hand gripped her waist as their bodies moved together with their arousal. He groaned when her nails pressed half-moons into his shoulders.

He picked her up about an inch from his skin and turned her over so her body was against her sheet set. He only broke their kiss for a minute before he was back at her mouth—there wasn't a question of how it was going to happen—she was just letting it happen. She wouldn't even recognize the fire in her own eyes if she had access to a mirror. She pushed at him lightly—that's all it took for him to move. She respected how he was aware of what she wanted more than his own passion…

"Do you have one?" Clarke asked and he nodded at her before he brought his face to hers. She felt his tongue massaging her own and let out a moan. This time it wasn't her mouth that asked the question, it was her eyes. He finally understood what she was saying—she couldn't wait anymore.

He removed the sweatpants from his legs, revealing his erection to her. She took satisfaction in knowing that it was her doing. This was going to be them for the rest of their lives. She would always be able to turn him on the way she turned him on. She removed her own bra and underwear while he did what he had to do.

Clarke let out a groan as she climbed on top of him, pushing down on him. He leaned back into her pillows with a similar open-mouthed sound. She grinded her hips sporadically until she worked into a rhythm of soft moans, unintelligible whispers and the occasional loud outburst. One of his hands held her waist as the other moved down her butt. He squeezed her skin roughly, causing her to close her eyes as she rode him.

She placed both of her hands on his chest and moved her body, feeling a few beads of sweat in her hair as she continued on.

She was trying not to think about the end of the world or Earth for that matter. She wanted it all out of her mind and if that meant focusing on breathing and the way Miller's skin felt against her skin…then that's what she would do. "Clarke…" Miller groaned beneath her. She felt her desire build up in her chest when he said her name again in that same throaty voice that had her completely _on… _

Her mouth dropped into a circle as she felt something she'd never felt before—she wasn't an idiot, she knew what _it _was. This was only the third time they'd had sex…the first she hadn't expected anything amazing, the second was more of a rush thing, and tonight—tonight they were alone in her apartment. Her mother was feeling out the medical room while her father was putting the finishing touches on the system. They had time—they had everything to make sure they were both satisfied.

There was something about looking someone in the eye during the moment of ultimate fulfillment that created a deeper connection. Her eyes threatened to flutter close as she shuddered but his hand met her face, rubbing his thumb along her cheek. She released, falling on him in the process.

He rolled their bodies over, continuing to push into her as she put her arms around his neck. "Baby…" She moaned, still feeling the remnants of her orgasm coursing through her blood. He kissed down her neck, his tongue dabbing across her skin before she felt the muscles in his back tighten with his thrust. "I love you." Clarke said while he came.

Their legs were still tangled when he moved off of her with a heavy pant. She handed him a tissue and he laughed, cleaning himself properly and disposing of his condom and wrapper in the trashcan by her bed. He put on his pants, claiming he didn't want to be caught by her father or her mother that had awkwardly moved in with the two until her own apartment was ready. She followed his lead, dressing in his shirt and her underwear. "I now know why people have sex for fun…" Clarke said, curling into him.

He kissed the top of her head. "We're going to be okay, Clarke…"

"I know."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Jasper and Harper were granted their own apartment—that being said, they were bound to get in slight amounts of trouble. Octavia Blake and Lincoln were locked in the "guest" bedroom (a room Jasper was avoiding because he knew it was for 'future children' not his friends) while Jasper and Harper were in the master bedroom celebrating their honeymoon a_gain. _Clarke, Monty, and Miller were watching "Man of the House" in the living room with some smuggled beer that Octavia had snuck in under her parka on the shuttle.

Bellamy wasn't with her. Clarke tried not to think about it too much because she didn't want to ruin the night.

They sat on a brown couch that was extremely comfortable. Miller's legs were spread as he put his beer in between his legs because Harper decided that she didn't want drinks on her table. Monty was sitting on his legs in a crisscrossed manner and Clarke was just leaning back into the plush comfort with her legs crossed at her ankles because she was wearing a t-shirt dress. She peered over at her boyfriend and exhaled longingly in his ear for fun. He looked attractive in white…it brought out his skin. She'd had a taste of what he could give her now and she was slightly addicted.

She felt Miller's hand on her upper thigh and looked over at him with a sly smirk. She leaned forward, pressing a promising kiss to his lips. He _wanted _her badly, she could tell by the look in his eyes. "I need a girlfriend." Monty gagged before swallowing the last of his beer. "How does it feel to live with Octavia, Clarke?"

"It's temporary and it's nice." Clarke said, returning to her spot before she got carried away like Octavia and Lincoln had earlier. "Sharing a bed with a girl is like…well, it's wonderful."

Monty's mouth dropped open a little, "Tell me more." He used his southern accent to prompt her for details.

"I'll just let your imagination fill in the blanks."

"Might not want to do that Clarkie." Monty winked, standing up from the couch. "Did you know you can lift open some of the floor panels? It's pretty cool. I could make moonshine or something and store it under there." It would be nice to have a little party…

"Or you could go to jail." Clarke said nonchalantly, "You know—I don't think you would look good in orange."

Miller cleared his throat, "Not actually orange. Plain clothes, actually."

"Oh…" Clarke shrugged, "I guess you'll just look like a dope, then."

Monty left after a few exchanges using some pretty explicit sign language. Clarke was laughing as the door shut. "Octavia seems like a good friend." Miller said, making conversation despite his growing erection. Clarke put her head on his chest to be closer to him. "Strong being here all alone…well, I guess she has you. How do you do it, Clarke? Make friends so fast."

"Her brother kissed me." Clarke said, knowing it wasn't the right time to talk about it. She just let it slip out of her mouth. She wasn't going to connect with Miller in that way if there were secrets between them…she didn't like that. She'd never liked having secrets.

Miller looked at her, there was only a flicker of something resembling jealousy in his eyes but he relaxed. He cleared his throat for the second time that night. She wondered if she'd passed on Octavia's cold to him…or maybe when they were in her bed he inhaled or something. "I don't blame him for kissing you." She let her cheek rest on his chest again when they settled. "You expected me to be jealous."

"I've seen you punch someone in the face for accidentally touching my ass."

"Firstly, that was no accident. Holt did that shit on purpose. Secondly…I don't know…I could see why he would kiss you. I would kiss you. You're beautiful, you're smart—you were in a pressurized situation…and I know that you love me. Sure, it makes me want to fight. You're my girl, I'd knock out Monty if he got handsy even though I know he's your best friend and it wouldn't mean anything…I just have faith in us."

Clarke understood, "So I guess I should tell you part two."

"Part two?" Miller asked, "What's part two?"

"He asked me to stay on the ground with him. He asked me to make that choice…" It felt right telling Miller what had happened on Earth. "That was him on the phone last night."

"Clarke…" He said, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're my boyfriend and it doesn't feel right keeping secrets. I don't love him. I don't want to be with him. He's coming up on the next shuttle and I thought you should know about what went on down there."

He kissed her hair, "I appreciate your honesty."

"Lincoln and I also got married. I'm sorry baby, but I couldn't stay away." Clarke started joking around because she didn't like the silence that formed around the room. "It's the tattoos…maybe if you let him put a needle in your skin."

"I'm sure that would go over well." He snorted, looking over at her with his piercing eyes. She smiled knowing _exactly _where things were leading.

"I'd get one if you got one."

"No you wouldn't." He said, "Because your mom would have a heart attack."

Clarke reached, taking the beer out of his lap and putting it on the table, despite Harper's wishes, so she could straddle his lap comfortably. He looked up at her and laughed, "Harper's not going to like that."

"Probably won't like the fact we're about to have sex on her couch, either." She kissed his jaw, letting his hand slide up her dress. She pressed their lips together, opening her mouth to accept his tongue. She moaned his name into his ear. He reacted the way she wanted him to react. Their kisses deepened, their passion igniting over and over again. She was confident this was going to be their best yet…

But they were rudely interrupted by Octavia and Lincoln walking out of the room. Miller's hands pulled Clarke's dress down and she climbed off of him quickly before they really saw anything. He looked over at her and smiled, "I think we're going to call it a night." Clarke said, "Its 1:30 and I'm sure our parents are looking for us."

"Is that what they're calling _it _these days? Curfew?" Clarke stood up at Lincoln's accusation with a smirk.

She snorted while she grabbed Miller's hand, "I know we're definitely not going to take it to the guest room. It was already used and I'm not one for passing on body sweat."

"Says the person that cuddles." Octavia said pointedly.

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I'll see you when I get home."

"Okie dokie sissy."

Miller and Clarke walked the hallways, their laughter echoing along the walls as they talked about their friends. She felt so…normal. That normality made her guilty. Still, she was in love with this person—she wanted to be happy with Miller. Happiness couldn't be contained and she was lucky to have a moment of it.

She savored every moment of it.


End file.
